I Want A Divorce…

“I want a divorce.”

She said this quietly while twiddling the hem of her skirt. Each word carried a dose of failure that threatened to turn her into a bawling baby.

“Why? You’ve just been married for 6 months.”

She expected that question. After all no sane person thought of leaving marriage just barely after few months in it. But then again, no sane person would have met their soul mate just barely few months after saying ‘I do’.

“I’m in love with someone else.”

She winced as she uttered the callous words. It sounded mean, but the truth has never been sweet. His face flashed through her mind and for a moment she experienced pure bliss.

“Why?”

That question again.
She looked up from her laps she had been staring at since she stepped into her office and gazed directly into her lawyer’s eyes.

“Because I made a mistake.”

One year ago, would she have considered her husband a mistake? Probably not. In fact, she would have dragged him kicking and screaming to the altar not because she was in love, but because she had given herself a target.

‘I must marry when I am 26.’

Her wish, since her best friend tied the knot with her childhood sweetheart. She remembered kneeling by her bedside, the night after the wedding and crying to God. “I must be married at 26! Oh God make it happen!” Her heart felt heavy and she attributed it to loneliness. But somewhere within, she knew it was mind twisting jealousy. At 23, her friend was lucky enough to tie the knot, while she was still struggling to keep a relationship. It wasn’t fair.

But you loved your husband at a time.”

Her lawyer/friend persisted.

Did she?

She remembered meeting her husband shortly after returning from her friend’s wedding. He had just resigned from where he worked and had a hard time coping. He barely had where to live and sometimes holed up in the church where he worshipped. He practically worshipped the ground she walked on. She loved the attention and made it her priority in life to brush him up.

Soon a tempestuous relationship began between them. The fights were more than the love making, which she caused most of the time. After all she was feeding him. She knew they weren’t compatible but she was almost 26 and there wasn’t anyone else she could consider. She had to get married…

…And she did. She paid for the expenses single-handedly as he hadn’t got a job yet.

Two months later, she knew she had made a huge mistake.
The sweet loving guy who took her tantrums calmly became a raging bull. He was her husband now and could discipline her without getting worried of the consequences.

After 2 forced miscarriages from beatings and cheating bouts carried out by her husband, she became a recluse of her old self. A shadow cowering in the light. Until she found a soul mate. Everything she ever wanted in a man. His allure tamed her wildness. The attraction was fierce. His gentle voice was like a balm to her wounded soul. She wasn’t even 27. Yet, she was tied. Tied to a man she couldn’t even bear to look at anymore.

What would her parents say? Her parents were fierce Christians that were totally intolerable about issues like divorce.
What would her friends say? They warned her and advised her to wait till she was sure and ready. She never listened. She called them names and withdrew from them.
What would the society say? A divorced woman was a failure. A woman who couldn’t do the primary job she was assigned to, building the home.
What would her religion say? She wasn’t virtuous enough and God hated divorce.

These thoughts kept her in the loveless marriage for 6 months. Until she finally decided to ask the ultimate question.

What would she say?

She was slowly dying. She couldn’t continue. She could care less about what people would say. She wasn’t even sure about her faith anymore. She just wanted to be happy. She was tired of living in regret. She envied her single friends. She wanted a new life. She wanted a divorce.

“What should I put down as the grounds for divorce?” Her lawyer quietly asked.

“Serial cheating and domestic violence.”

And for the first time in many months, she smiled.

 

 

-The Horseman

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