This Lagos Sun Na Die.

I met an old buddy of mine last weekend. She came from Port-Harcourt, to visit some friends and buy some of her wares to sell. The first question she asked me was, ”my paddi, how una dey take manage this Lagos sun? e too hot, see as I done dark finish under three days” I joined her to lament on how scorching the Lagos sun and the accompanying heat can leave someone charred like the roast goats I see at Cele market.

I don’t think anybody truly appreciate this Lagos sun, unless of course if you are a laundry man or a PLANT that needs the sun to dry your customers’ laundry or for photosynthesis. I hear some parts of northern Nigeria are hotter than this, well that just means I’ll never visit the north. Okay, forget I said that, if you know any politician or government official that has a secret stash of foreign of even local currencies and you need a referee to blow whistle, I am your guy. I will show up in a flash. Otherwise, its ; sai wata rana, Zan gan ka daga baya

Despite the scathing, blistering sun I still see some boys wearing jackets standing next to me at the bus stops, waiting for a danfo to board and I think to my self, ”who do this one this thing? him village people done use him head drink garri, my brother wrestle your brain back from their grasp before you die of heat or dehydration” Just because Olamide, Wizkid and Skales wear am for their music videos and e fine no mean say you go follow them oh. Some of the jacket wearing guys don’t realize those videos were shot in cooler climes and not in Nigeria and the ones that were  shot in Nigeria, were shot in ”AC tight” sets. It’s forgivable to wear a jacket if your job entails it or if you are ”AC certified”, besides that, My brother I just take it you are practicing how to survive in hell.

My ladies , the ones that argue it’s their ‘nashural’ colour, even though they have been dark skinned since conception. Some of you, your complexion can’t even be classed, your skin colour has not been discovered/mixed hence there is no name for it. Most of you put the rainbow to shame with all the colours you have, you are like chameleons, your colours change with the surroundings, your knuckles are so dark, it looks like you lost a fist fight with a brick wall. Now you maybe wondering what this has to do with the hot sun, well let me say where it worries me, when you sit in a danfo next to me and I am tortured by the smell of your equally tortured skin. Abeg, reduce the chemical peel,if its not for me, do it for yourself, the outer layer of your skin is supposed to protect your skin from the sun’s harmful rays, so when you peel it off, your skin is vulnerable and exposed and the consequences might be grave.

Abeg, who know where correct olympic size swimming pool dey?

 

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